It’s been almost 3 months away from Mr. CabSav this time round – almost 8 months apart altogether. I’m currently waiting for my visa for Germany, and it’s driving me mad. I have no idea when I’ll hear the verdict – anywhere between 6 weeks and 3 months.
Tonight I’m feeling especially frustrated.
I’ve missed his birthday, and our 2 year anniversary, Christmas, and now we’re spending New Year’s Eve apart too. I’d do anything to be with him – I’ve packed my suitcase, excepting the essentials that I’m living with. I’d get on a plane tonight if I could.
I crave his touch, his voice – clear and not distorted from a distance of 10 000 km – his body… I especially miss sex with him. I need that connection again, feeling him completely, and losing myself in him. I want to fall asleep in his arms, instead of clutching my pillow to my chest. I want to lie in bed and feel comforted by his steady breathing, and his occasional sleep-talking chuckles and unintelligible rambles. I want to be able to pull him close to me, to nuzzle his neck and feel his strong arms around my waist.
I miss cooking together, I miss our little daily adventures in a new city. I miss going wine-tasting and grocery shopping with him. Hell, I even miss doing laundry with him, drinking beer at the laundromat and talking about random stuff.
Seeing him on Skype is strikingly bitter sweet. I want to pull him out of the computer screen, and never let him go. When I’ve been depressed, which is most of the last 2.5 months, hearing his voice has often been my only solace. We’ve cried over Skype, had blazing rows, had cyber sex, spent hours chatting until one of us needs to sleep.
I want to put this long distance stage of our relationship behind us, and move on into 2014 with hopes of a better year.
A year of living together, travelling and exploring Europe and beyond. A year of learning about one another, and making the biggest decisions yet. A year of love, discovery, challenges, and triumphs. We’ve come so far since that fateful night in a club 2.5 years ago.
I sincerely hope that 2014 is a good year. If not, I’ll have to make it a good year. It’s time to take back my life.
Happy New Year.