I am back in Germany, after 3.5 months apart from my love. I’ve been here for just over a month, and I’m still struggling to settle in. The cold, the few hours of daylight, the greyness… it saps my energy. I’m starting to get homesick at times – I’m not used to living inland, and I desperately miss the sea.
I’m still working, but I’m at the point where I sleep for around 12 hours a day, and I spend all my waking hours working very slowly, and only just making deadlines on time. There are many good things in my life. I have my wonderful Mr. CabSav; we travel quite regularly, cook together, make love often. But I feel I am adrift when it comes to my personal goals. I don’t really know what to do, or where to go.
In some ways, Mr. CabSav and I are adrift together. We seem to be at the same place in our lives – able to go anywhere, anytime, yet not sure where to go with this freedom. We are limited by our own minds. We have ideas that we speak about, and we dream of carefree travels, exploring new places, new experiences. But we still have those little voices in the back of our heads, urging us to conform. To create a career, to settle down. But what if we are not meant for that? What if we were meant to wander, to drift, to explore?
Mr. CabSav is not my anchor, he does not hold me down. Rather, we are intertwined, drifting together.